Choke Artist?

For days and days after he went up 1 stroke, Strub used every opportunity he could to remind me that he was better than me at golf because he was beating me by 1 stroke. He used the momentum from that taunting to lose to me by 11 strokes at Willowbrook.

The thing about our matches is that when one of us plays bad, the other doesn't pile on the taunting to make it worse. But at Willowbrook, we got grouped with another pair to make a 4-some, and they would not let Strub hear the end of it. After we politely declined their offer to smoke weed on the third tee box, they decided we were going to be fast friends. They immediately felt comfortable enough to start in on our club selection on every shot, Strub's clothing choices, and our golf games in general. However, instead of going easy when Strub was struggling, they just let him have it. They would crack up when he would hit a shot out of bounds or miss a putt and they questioned his sexuality constantly. They were absolutely brutal. It probably was worth a couple strokes to me.

But I don't feel that bad about it. They were also worth a couple strokes to him. On 9, when he hit a putt that was going 10 feet long and off the far end of the green, our new stoner buddy Tony put his foot and stopped it. This set him up for a 6 foot putt instead of a chip and a 2 putt. They also helped him out with a little foot wedge action on at least one occasion.

Other highlights:

Strub got made fun of by at least 3 separate groups on the day. The lady in the clubhouse, Tony and Scott (our playing partners), and some old guy we passed on the course who asked if he was wearing clown condoms on his legs. For the record, he wore: plaid shorts, horizontal striped socks, striped shirt, solid hat.

It's unclear how this outfit affected his confidence. On the way to the course, he told me he was absolutely sure he was going to win. Nope. I told him afterwards that I was absolutely sure I was going to win as soon as he told me that, but I had kept it to myself.

Tony and Scott were obnoxious to the group in front of us all day. The 2 dudes in front of us, Notre Dame visor and his pudgy friend, got the pleasure of Tony/Scott harassment almost every hole as we all waited for the super-slow 4-some in front of them. I made sure to let them know we didn't know the Tony/Scott duo. We actually tried to ditch Tony and Scott at the turn and join Visor and Pudge, but the backup at 10 let them get hot dogs and meet us before we even got close to teeing off. Waiting to tee off on 10 did give Tony a chance to show us a picture of his 16-year-old daughter. I asked for her number and apparently its 1-800-eat-me. Not sure thats enough numbers but I'll try anyway. As an aside, she called to ask Tony to pick her up some cigarettes on the way home. He unironically expressed his disapproval of cigarettes to Strub and me after smoking a joint less than 20 minutes earlier.

And the highlight of the day: Strub's phone alarm going off before we teed off on 16, and him saying that it meant that we absolutely had to be in the car by then if he was going to make it to work less than 30 minutes late.

Final tally: I beat Strub by 11, and am now a better golfer than him by the only objective measure we have.